five weeks | baby five

written May 22nd
 
how far along:  5 weeks + 1 day

size of baby: Roughly the size of a black peppercorn.  Still tiny but when you think of the amount of growth that happens between a poppy seed and a peppercorn in just a week, it is pretty insane.  And by next week baby should be the size of a blueberry with a beating heart.  Is that not mind boggling?  You can talk science to me all day but I will never understand how it is possible for a spec to turn into a living breathing baby.  It truly is a miracle.

weight gain:  2.5 pounds.  Whoops.  All though Saturday was pretty bad in terms of food choices so I'm sure a chunk of it is just water weight.  However we currently have brownies in the house. Those aren't going to help.

maternity clothes:  nope

symptoms:  Really nothing this week.  My anxiety has subsided a bit which I'm thankful for.  But I don't feel pregnant in the least except for maybe some gas and bloating.  Those could be attributed to poor food choices too though.

exercise:  Mostly walking, a little bit of running, and actually Saturday morning I was feeling pretty good and finished five miles.  Going to try getting back to my videos/strength training this week, at least in modified forms in regards to my knee.  I'm still a little scared to attempt squats or lunges, or anything that puts a lot of pressure on my knees.

cravings/aversions:  Currently I could eat Mexican or southwestern food for every meal.  Also the southwest egg rolls from Chilis.  I've had them probably 3 times in the last month?  Which leads me to believe this is just a me craving and not a pregnancy craving.  Lol.

movement:  nope.

sleep:  Not bad.  

gender:  I don't have a clue.

looking forward to:  an ultrasound.  And being out of the first trimester.

worries:  Before I found out I was pregnant, I told myself if I was lucky enough to become pregnant again I was going to really embrace it.  With my loss I didn't write a single thing down until after she was already gone.  I didn't take any photos of my barely growing belly.  Nothing.  Now that I actually am pregnant, I'm excited, but knowing how quickly things can turn in the other direction, it is hard to get attached.  Not that I don't want to or I'm not trying, I truly want to try and enjoy this pregnancy no matter how long it lasts.  But I just feel, a lot of nothing.  And I honestly have to remind myself that I'm pregnant.  I'm really hoping seeing an ultrasound, even though I know a good one doesn't mean anything, will help me be able to 'feel' a little more.

best moment this week:  I've taken an absurd amount of pregnancy tests.  I just have.  This morning the test line was significantly darker than the control line.  I'm fairly confident I can rule out a chemical pregnancy, and I think I'm at a point where I can stop taking tests and I won't have anxiety about it.  But seriously, if you saw my bathroom drawer you'd think I am insane.